strange titles

My mother sent me a link to a bbc news story about strange book titles with this note:

h, if you decide to write a book, all you may need is a quirky title.

The top honors of the “odd title prize” went to The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification, but I think the best of the top three is Better Never To Have Been: The Harm of Coming Into Existence. Of the previous years’ winners, Living with Crazy Buttocks is a personal favorite.

forget my recent endeavor to write a good article or book. apparently all i need to wow several thousand people is a weird title. i’ve got a few i’m working on, but if you want to contribute any, i’d love to hear them.

dirty diapers and desire

My friend Kay sent me this email today:

 

Type that into google and you get this recent article. You can’t miss this one…

diaper arrest

The most impressive part:

“Captain Nowak, 43, was wearing a trench coat and wig when she was arrested early Monday morning. She told the police she had worn diapers on the journey so that she would not have to stop to use the restroom so she could arrive in time to meet Captain Shipman’s flight at the airport.”

I just want to know what was going through her mind as she was wetting herself during her drive? “My, I’m so smart… good thing I thought of wearing diapers, sure did get me arrested faster than it otherwise would have… I work for NASA… I’m such a genius… I mean afterall, going to the bathroom takes WAY too much time.” Unbelievable.

Wow.

For a woman smart enough to be an astronaut, it she’s lacking a good bit of knowledge about things like diaper rash or rest stops, or fast food joints or the ease of just pulling over, pulling down one’s drawers and throwing modesty to the wind – all of which take, oh, about 2 minutes. But maybe astronauts wear diapers all the time. Peeing without gravity after all would be an interesting experience.

The real question I have about all of this though is not why the heck Nancy wore diapers on her voyage but why the heck my friend Kay Googled dirty diapers.

craigslist

$400500 One heck of a woman looking for one hell of a household (Anywhere in Denver that doesn’t suck)

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After years of transience, I’ve decided to return to my roots and move back to Denver. I’m way up north in Maine at the moment doing graduate work but plan on arriving in Denver in early June. I think it would be right splendid if I had a place to live when I get there. I’m in my late 20’s, a writer and general jack (or jill, rather) of all trades, a runner, cyclist, outdoors enthusiast who doesn’t smoke, do drugs or have any animals. I like people. I don’t like clutter. I cook and dance and do all kinds of other amazing things which I am not going to enlighten you about just now. I’m a lesbian too, but if that matters to you I probably don’t want to live with you anyway. Please contact me if you are a responsible human being with a nice place in need of a stellar roommate.thanks

myscarytimesucker

so for a myriad of reasons (most of which are kind of scaring me) much more of my time than I’d purposed was sucked into building a myspace page today. yes. i too have a myspace page. and frankly, (and, need i remind you, frighteningly) building it was one the most enjoyable parts of my day.

i need to get out more.

though now that i have a myspace page, i’ll probably find excuses to stay in more often.

yikes.

you too can get sucked in at www.myspace.com/beclimbingtrees

talking to myself

Lately I’ve taken up the on-the-verge-of-becoming-crazy habit of talking to myself out loud. While walking home or writing, or making dinner, I’ve found myself audibly voicing the thoughts in my head. Phrases like “nice one girl,” or “maybe you should have thought about that one earlier,” or “damn you’re hilarious woman” keep escaping my lips. When it happens, I look around to make sure no one else is watching. And usually no one is. And it occurs to me that maybe that’s part of the problem in the first place.