dirty diapers and desire

My friend Kay sent me this email today:

 

Type that into google and you get this recent article. You can’t miss this one…

diaper arrest

The most impressive part:

“Captain Nowak, 43, was wearing a trench coat and wig when she was arrested early Monday morning. She told the police she had worn diapers on the journey so that she would not have to stop to use the restroom so she could arrive in time to meet Captain Shipman’s flight at the airport.”

I just want to know what was going through her mind as she was wetting herself during her drive? “My, I’m so smart… good thing I thought of wearing diapers, sure did get me arrested faster than it otherwise would have… I work for NASA… I’m such a genius… I mean afterall, going to the bathroom takes WAY too much time.” Unbelievable.

Wow.

For a woman smart enough to be an astronaut, it she’s lacking a good bit of knowledge about things like diaper rash or rest stops, or fast food joints or the ease of just pulling over, pulling down one’s drawers and throwing modesty to the wind – all of which take, oh, about 2 minutes. But maybe astronauts wear diapers all the time. Peeing without gravity after all would be an interesting experience.

The real question I have about all of this though is not why the heck Nancy wore diapers on her voyage but why the heck my friend Kay Googled dirty diapers.

love and farts

Perhaps my latest love disaster could have been avoided if I’d remembered this important lesson from adolescence: real friends are the people you can fart around.

this deep thought is dedicated to molly shea, a true and beloved friend

aunt emily

My aunt Stacy told me some stories about her aunt Emily that’s had me laughing out loud all week. I’d like to share two of them with you. (apologies aunt Emily, but these are just too hilarious to keep to myself.)

Aunt Emily apparently had some bladder control issues in her day. On numerous occasions she wet herself in public. That alone is kind of funny, I know, but what’s more hilarious are the ingenious methods she crafted to cover up her accidents.

While shopping one day, aunt Emily got to laughing so hard about something that she peed her pants in the aisle. So, being the brilliant woman she is, she grabbed a jar of pickles and smashed it on the ground and Voila! pee problem solved. I can just imagine her standing in the aisle, feigning a look of shock at the liquidy scene before her as help arrives.

Another incident occurred at a dinner party. For the special occasion, aunt Emily and everyone else had gotten themselves all dressed up. But even in her best cocktail dress, aunt Emily managed to wet herself on the sofa in the parlor before dinner had even been served. So when the hostess called everyone into the dining room, aunt Emily remained in her seat until everyone had left. Then she got up, flipped over the cushion, and voila, pee problem solved again.

I must admit I respect a woman whose pee problems don’t keep her down.

thanks for the laughs aunt Stacy.